Dear Ms. Anon Advice,
I cheated on my wife and it’s killing me. I wish I could say that I ended up cheating on my wife. But I realise it was a conscious decision on my part. I gave in to temptation.
What do I do? My conscience is killing me every day. I’m unable to function without messing my life up further. I’m unable to work without messing things up, I scold my kids for no reason at all, I pick up fights with my wife for no specific reason.
We had a beautiful life. My wife is a great person. We have beautiful children. We have a beautiful life going. But I know at some point I have ruined it. I wonder if I’ve ruined it beyond repair.
I am not cheating on her anymore, but it’s eating me up inside. I don’t ever intend to repeat this offence. I wish I could change the past.
How do I face her and my kids? How do I face myself? What do I do?
Please guide me.
Dear Guilty Husband,
While it is good that you acknowledge your mistake and are remorseful about it, it is not something that can be undone.
Cheating is a lifetime sentence. If you are remorseful about it, all I can say is that no one can judge you harsher than yourself.
As to whether you should confess or not is your call. No one can make that decision for you. But do consider how things would pan out if you did confess, as compared to if your wife was to find out from someone else.
You also need to consider how you would have reacted or what you would have done or wanted, had it been your wife who had cheated on you.
Equally importantly, you need to figure out why you did it. If it was not to escape a toxic relationship that makes you feel tied down, or to meet an unmet need, or frustration, then why? Was it just for the kicks? Was it just because you could? Did someone trap you into it? Were you drugged?
You should consult a therapist to figure your life out and then take a step. If during this time your wife finds out, at least you could tell her you’re working on it and seeking help and therefore were waiting to be strong enough to confess to her.
I’m sure you’re repenting to your god too in the meanwhile.
All the best.
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