by Ahmad Bilal
Now that the government is charging for everything, being a responsible citizen, I do hereby purpose the following Law:
An Act to exploit the people of Pakistan for their addiction to the use of Facebook.
Whereas it is necessary to grab some money from the people of Pakistan on their use of Facebook (because you know they got no plans to quit using it) and to establish the Facebook Authority to promote the usage of Facebook, to regulate its use in the country and to ensure that the people don’t quit using it; and, to deal with the matters ancillary thereto.
Be it enacted as follows:
1. Short title, extent and commencement:-
(1) This Act may be cited as the Pakistan Facebook Act, 2016.
(2) It extends to the whole of Pakistan.
(3) It shall come into force at once.
2. Definitions:- In this Act:
(a) “Act” means the Pakistan Facebook Act, 2016;
(b) “People” means the people of Pakistan, and includes the foreign residents and visitors to Pakistan;
(c) “Authority” means the Pakistan Facebook Authority;
(d) “Morality” means nothing at all;
The government shall constitute an authority which shall act as ‘Phupho Razia’ for the people using Facebook and shall have access to all the information on their social network. This authority shall charge the people in the mode and manner as it deems necessary.
4. Constitution of the Authority:- The authority shall consist of the following members:
(i) The Chairman: The person appointed as a chairman shall not have a record of getting at least twenty people divorced in his lifetime and not less than five in the past two years.
(ii) Three Members: Each member should be a stalker and should have at least five fake accounts with the names like ‘Mama ki Jan’, ‘Shonu Gurya’, ‘Papa ki Doll’, or ‘Cute Princess’. However, it is made clear that the account names like ‘Feeka Kasuri’, ‘Gilli Kurti’, ‘Wehshi Larki’, or ‘Saleem Zakhmi’ shall not be admissible.
(iii) Registrar: There shall be a registrar of the authority who should be of an age of not less than seventy years and shall do nothing.
5. The scope of Charging:-
The people using the facebook shall be charged an amount of Rs. 500/- per sign in (however sign up shall always remain free), Rs. 300/- per page like, Rs. 200/- per status update, Rs. 178/- per profile preview, Rs. 143/- per status like, and Rs. 100/- per blink of the eye while using facebook. Anyone deleting his account shall be charged a fine (which is very fine) of Rs. 100,000/- but shall be rewarded Rs. 20,000/- if he activates his account so deactivated.
6. The ambit of the Authority:-
The authority, besides collecting money from the people, shall make arrangements to make facebook more addictive, and promote its use at large. For this purpose, free wifi shall be arranged by the authority on public places. Moreover, the authority shall ensure morality on facebook as defined in section 2(d) of this act.
7. The decision of the Authority:-
Every decision of the authority shall be final and there shall be no appeal against it. If anyone is not satisfied with the decision of the authority, he can **** Off.