Claims of Indian surgical strikes (on Muzaffarabad meat shops) are true

It has been reported that Indian troops have spread fear across Azad Jammu and Kashmir with their actions. While the Indian army has long been content in targeting small Kashmiri communities, a change of tactics has been seen; with ‘surgical strikes’ observed on meat shops all over the area’s largest city. Amazingly, during their brief stay in Pakistani territory, these surgical strikers remained undetected by army personnel and the Kashmiri people (and the most invasive intelligence agency in the world).

Despite looking like this:
surgeonsstrike

 

When asked regarding the logic behind the mode of attack, the Indian chief of Army readjusted his (misfit) hat before offering an explanation that confused journalists and unicorns alike:
“You see, we will do anything and everything to maintain India’s sovereignty. Whether it is shooting down all pigeons in the area or stemming terrorism by attacking terror launch pads, the Indian military is ready.”

Read More:India backtracks on the most major ‘Surgical Strike’ claim

When asked in detail about these terror launch pads, he offered this image for clarification:

Terror Launchpad
Terror Launchpad

This attack comes not long after the Indian public censured their government for not being able to enforce their will. However, out of the 126 billion public (that seems unanimous in its aims), apparently only a couple of personnel were willing to be a part of these ‘surgical strikes’.

One of the owners of the meat shops under attack, Abdul Hamid had this to say:
“They came with sharp knives, with the intention of ruining all the best cuts of beef.”
The attackers, however, were unaware of the fact that Thursday was a meat-less day for the butchers and therefore, had to content themselves by jabbing their weapons into chicken fillets. While this was clearly traumatic for the owners of these meat shops, it was particularly troubling for Malik Faheem, who defied the meat-less rule and now is left with a large stock of beef qeema.

“Do you know how hard it is to sell beef mince?” asked Faheem. “People suspect it is donkey meat or something if it’s all smashed up”.

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Zeeshan Iftakhar

Zeeshan Iftakhar

Zeeshan Iftakhar is a student of Law at LUMS and a keen admirer of qeemay walay naan.