Trump’s Pakistan policy and connections!

Ever since Donald Trump emerged on the popular political scene, I have been very intently observing him: his slogans, his speeches, his pledges, and his political gymnastics. First, it was my hunch, then a doubt, then a serious thought – but now I believe – that there is a Pakistani in him; in his body and skin.

His political antics before being the President of the USA, his calling himself ‘smart’ for not paying taxes, his views and bragging about women, his claims about his wealth, his gaping gaps between his talk and his walk; in fact, his whole big being from head to toe, his every yes and his every no – its all Pakistani.

So my dear ISPR, TV analysts, and Foreign Office, take it easy. He is not just like us; or one of us; he is us! And as you are not afraid of yourselves, there is absolutely no reason to be afraid of Mr. Trump.

Last evening, as he announced his Afghan Strategy, it had kept the whole world guessing as to what he meant. This piece will help you decipher that.

First, let’s establish beyond any doubt that he is a Pakistani. That will make it easier for us to decode his speech and actions then. To do that, we can trace things in reverse order – the most recent first.

Did his recent spat with the North Korean leader not remind you of the way our leaders threaten India with nuclear weapons? Both Trump and our leaders brag about the use of a nuclear weapon as if it’s a quieter but brighter bit of those fireworks that we see in on our Shab-e-Barat, or the US Independence day!

Two, he recently appointed a retired General as his Chief of Staff, who came in and in a couple of weeks fired the key members of Trump’s civilian team, including Director of Communications, Chief Strategists, and earlier his spokes person. That whole saga reminded us of the Dawn Leaks follow up. Didn’t it?

Three, in his election campaign, he made several promises about the US defence and foreign policy. Then, one by one, he undid all of them! He said, he would not attack Syria, and he did. He said he would pull out of Afghanistan, and then first he dropped there the mother of all bombs, and now he is sending there more troops to apparently help collect the pieces of that mother bomb.

But his all these acts indicate a deeper secret about his presidency in general, and his administration’s defence and foreign policy in particular – that his scripts and speeches are written by the US deep state.

In USA, their deep state was never as deep as it got recently under Trump. Before him, their deep state was quiet shallow, and often in the air which could be seen from the ground. Now I’m pleased to reveal to you that not only Trump is a Pakistani, and US Military has taken several leafs from our Khaki book, but US judiciary too has been inspired by ours – the way it played ping-pong with his famous travel ban.

Coming back to the key subject of this piece, Trump’s Afghan Strategy, his being Pakistani was open and evident from the way he read the script, written by his Generals, like a good boy. It was pleasant replica of our deposed PM’s speech in the UN on Kashmir last year.

Now, an apparent worrisome bit of his Afghan Strategy, his praising India, and asking them to help in building the Afghan economy is not to tease or threaten Pakistan, as most analysts are inclined to.

He was in fact insinuating that India should negotiate with China a by-pass of the CPEC. For, he knows it well that a road, a bridge and a by-pass are the things that will bond PML-N government, our FWO, and the American interests in the region.

So my dear country men, just take it easy, just don’t react and let it pass quietly. Because, the heart of the matter called Trump – which is so Pakistani in semblance and substance – is to grab media attention as much as possible, with issue of the week, and then move on to the next.

All we need to do now is to ignore what he said about Pakistan, and pray that he continues as the President of the USA. That their judiciary or their Parliament (they call it Congress there) do not oust him mid-way like ours. Because, if Trump the Pakistani completes his term, the USA too will be like Pakistan – Insha Allah!

Arshed Bhatti

Arshed Bhatti

Arshed Bhatti is a typical Pakistani who operates at very high level of confidence with extremely low level of knowledge. Being true Muslim he believes the real life is in the hereafter and urges countrymen to take it easy, and enjoy the talk shows. He writes songs, satire and fake non-fiction. He tweets @CivilJunction