We are 70; let’s celebrate!

Pakistan is turning 70. For a country, it’s too young to be worried, and, despite a hiccup or two, there is no real reason to be worried either. Our problems are the typical teething pains of a toddler, who bursts into fits of laughter when his mother tickles his tummy, but at the same time splatters her with his drool. Like the toddler, Pakistan as a country doesn’t bite as much as it chews, and doesn’t swallow as much as it enjoys chewing.

A seventy year-old-country is like a seven-year-old dog ageing in reverse. A dog feels like 70 at 7, but for a country, 70 years is just “the beginning” and it doesn’t feel much. The dog has only been presented as an example. Don’t try to find parallels between a young naïve country and an old dog who has cultivated a fine blend of suspicion and curiosity.

Some people raise uneasy questions in a country that doesn’t feel much for its underdogs. A country can only answer uneasy questions after it has answered basic and easier ones, and has developed enough maturity to be able to handle the uneasy ones. There are still a few decades before we can get to that stage.

Pakistan may be 70, but in terms of history and civilisation, it is one of the oldest. We housed the cradle of civilisations that many pre-historic nations benefitted from. According to a source who will now unfortunately forever remain anonymous, the Pakistani nation was born the day Hazrat Adamas was sent down from the heavens.

If you are wondering how a 70-year-old country can have a history that is thousands of years old, you need to look no further than the Jews of Israel who claim to have a four-thousand-year-old country for a country that is no less than 70 years old. If you’re one of those who likes to call themselves “liberal”, you may also believe the Jews who never have a good word to say about us, unless it’s the truth. If you are a blessed and proud member of this great nation, there can’t be a more authentic testimonial than the one received from an enemy who animosity is second only to that of the Hindus.

Now we must tell the world of our greatness, and this piece is only a humble beginning. If we can afford it, we should start by inviting Mr Trump to come see what great country is like! He may learn a thing or two in his (useless) pursuit of Making America Great Again. However great he may make America, he will remain behind us!

We are the greatest nation on earth for sure, but in case, and as they say in Mathematics, if and only if – which is if with additional, capital and emphatic F, (IFF) – there are other earths that have nations too, we can easily outwit them and win the greatness title in 50 minutes. I say fifty minutes because that is what we do according to a TV talk show hosted by one of our proud bigmouths.

There are several proofs of our national greatness. One, 150 of 200 million Pakistanis believe so and so many people cannot be wrong! Two, all our civil and not-so-civil (that is military & militant) leaders also believe so. You can doubt the civil and political type, but you can’t doubt the sagacity of the other two, as one of them are God fearing, and are not afraid of anyone, and therefore have no reason to tell a lie. The others are ‘not fearing’, so why would they be afraid, to tell the truth?

If you are wondering who is God fearing and who is ‘not fearing’, I won’t state the obvious.There is no difference between them. No. no, don’t take me wrong.  I’m not saying that there is no difference between the military and militants. I mean, there is not much difference between God-fearing, and ‘not fearing’, for those who are God-fearing are actually ‘not fearing’!

Three, a great country always has many enemies. Only one country comes close, Mr Trump’s country, as that too is great, albeit not as great as ours. That is why he is trying to make it great again.

And, he is trying to attain greatness by keeping out the enemies who are already out and pushing out the ones who are laughing at him inside. Pakistan is much blessed on that account: no one laughs here.

Four, 1.2 billion Chinese made us their closest buddy. Those one billion are not fools. They are smart and wise people, and Pak-China friendship is such a big proof of our greatness that you can see it from Mars, as well as from the moon. If God forbid, Indians were greater, Chinese would have run their CPEC through India, and its name would have been a laughing stock – i-check!

Five, we are the only Muslim country with 100 not out stock of Atom Bums. Cynics would murmur that it’s the only nuclear power that does not have electric power. They don’t know anything. They say, our Bums are not safe. We are firmly behind our Bums, no one can touch them.  Pakistan zindabad!

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Arshed Bhatti

Arshed Bhatti

Arshed Bhatti is a typical Pakistani who operates at very high level of confidence with extremely low level of knowledge. Being true Muslim he believes the real life is in the hereafter and urges countrymen to take it easy, and enjoy the talk shows. He writes songs, satire and fake non-fiction. He tweets @CivilJunction