Religious crusader’s lap still waiting to seat promised hoories
Barzakh, March 2: After thinking wishfully about his fate for nearly two days, celebrated holy warrior Mumtaz Qadri has aired suspicion over the prolonged duration of his stay in purgatory.
The delivery boy of Divine Justice entered the smoky halls of purgatory early on Monday morning after being hanged on orders of the Supreme Court of Pakistan. Qadri was tried and convicted under the Anti-Terrorism Act earlier this year after volunteering to bestow God’s Wrath upon the late Governor Salman Taseer.
“Honestly, I thought someone would show me to a raised throne,” said the wary carrier pigeon of God’s Will. “This travel pillow they gave me instead is quite underwhelming.”
“I was shown more hospitality at my prison cell in Adiala,” lamented Qadri, who was continuously showered with gifts and favors by well wishers while awaiting trial in a 4-year prison stint. “Wasn’t God’s bounty supposed to be endless?” he asked.
Qadri, who was visibly smug upon entry into purgatory, was soon found pacing its grey halls and muttering inaudibly after every few steps.
Sources confirmed that by the end of his first day in purgatory, Qadri was lying motionless on the floor in fetal position, cying, “Why have you forsaken me, Oh Lord?!”
Concerned for Qadri’s mental state after hearing the echoing of his wails back on earth, his supporters banded together and prayed for his deliverance.
They soon resorted to praying for their idol’s salvation at the shrines of different sufi saints, despite the tenets of their professed barelvi doctrine.
However, professional auditors of virtue, Munkar and Nakeer, were decidedly less optimistic about the fate of Qadri.
“His claim of protecting the word of God from dilution, while well-intentioned, has not been backed with the required means of verification,” they said, after scrutinizing the Virtue and Vice Statements provided on him and finding him to be morally bankrupt.
