We all have heard the famous quote, ‘What’s in a name’. In the age of ‘fake news’ it can be called false truth. It’s false because when it comes to our own name, we know we are not just another name. But, it seems true when we are casually comparing two similarly scented and coloured roses which someone like Shakespeare has told us about.
This almost-poetic explanation is to denote that any similarity between the ISPR this piece is about, and the ISPR you’re thinking is actually maybe about, is not only incidental but far-fetched. I also reserve the right to call it ‘a figment of imagination’. But knowing there is not much imagination when it comes to ISPR, why ab/use the poor figment in isolation and alone; and why reserve a right one knows one can never use!
Besides the ISPR one claims this piece is about, there are many ISPRs that are never confused with the ISPR – or in fact no one in Pakistan even knows about them. Like, Independent Scientific Peer Review (ISPR), Internal Software Problem Reports (ISPR), In Situ Problem Solving (ISPR), International Society for Paranormal Research (ISPR), and above all, Indian Scientists Plagiarise Research (ISPR).
Just like two namesakes may not have much in common other than the spellings of their name, the two abbreviations do not have much in common either. One example, my name’s abbreviation is AB, it doesn’t mean I should start acting – or reacting – like Mr. Amitabh Bachchan!
So I would request the readers to trust me, not to listen to your inner voice, and do not believe your gut feelings that it’s not the ISPR I say I am blasting, but it’s the ISPR you suspect I’m trying to poke.
I give you a tip to keep the ISPR on your mind in a separate compartment of your mind. That will help you not to confuse my ISPR with yours. Though, to appreciate my ISPR, you need to know a couple of things about your ISPR.
There is no organizational parallel in Pakistan to succinctly tell how your ISPR, from very tiny and small department of the military has grown to what it is now. But, as you may agree, there is always a parallel – good, bad or odd – but there is always a parallel between two things. So the most apt parallel I can think of is corruption. Both corruption and ISPR have seen a mammoth growth in Pakistan in the last 30 years. Both are almost everywhere, and all over the place.
Another example I can attempt, which again is a very bad attempt and a worse example, and therefore it should not be quoted or repeated (it may only be used one time to comprehend another odd parallel, then forgotten immediately & forever), is of (wrong allegation on) Pak Army as ‘State within a Sate’.
Or even worse (example, not the fact) what ISI (again, wrongly) is accused of as ‘real force that ran the forces’. In the last 15 years, when electronic media was unleashed on Pakistan by jolly good Gen (R for Recovering) Musharraf, the ISPR too got inflated. Now, some fake Pakistanis say, it runs the forces hand-in-hand with the ISI, and its tweets on politicians have outnumbered the shells army fired on the enemy. But we must take such allegations easy, must not bother, and smilingly wait for the next tweet by ISPR.
Our ISPR has made Pakistan further invincible. It’s Twitter handle is the 2nd biggest thing after our atomic stockpile. If there is ever a war with India, we don’t need to use atomic bomb; we can bomb the enemy virtually flat with ISPR tweets. InshaAllah.
The odd examples above are just to elaborate bad parallels and should not be taken as comment, let alone criticism, on the best Army in Pakistan, the best intelligence agency in the region, the best Public Relations agency of any military anywhere in the world, and the real ISPR.
Now, hoping that you have understood your ISPR a bit better now, one can talk about the ISPR this piece is about. The other ISPR is not an institution or a department; it is more of an open-secret type delightful phenomenon, which is as pervasive and persistent as is our collective ignorance, and individual greed.
That ISPR has four intertwined aspects and each stands for ISPR. The headline of the phenomenon is Infinite Supply of Powerful Rumours (ISPR). The tagline is Invisible Saints of Pakistan’s Reform (ISPR). The refrain is I’m the Solution to Political Rot (ISPR). And, the last but not the least – and the essence – is Innate Source of Patriotic Ruse (ISPR).
Now, I admit it is our duty as proud and patriotic Pakistanis to save the ISPR from the competing ISPRs. But, it is also incumbent upon ISPR not to act – or react – like these newbies which sound like it. After all, similar abbreviations do not mean they should start spelling out the same pandemonium. And, as a parting pleasantry, I’m sure you are not confusing your ISPR with others this piece was about.
