Breaking (the) News: Nawaz and Modi to become next Indo-Pak celebrity couple: Rishta Aunties

Islamabad, December 03: The Prime Ministers of India and Pakistan met over a candle-lit coffee table on the sidelines of a recently concluded conference in Paris. The leaders met to reportedly “iron out” issues in their relationship, which many describe as South Asia’s “most explosive” celebrity affair.

Rishta aunties on both sides excitedly compared the leaders’ interaction to scenes from the movie, Dilwalley Dulhaniya Le Jayenge. They also expressed confidence that both leaders would cement the meeting’s gains by formalizing their “long-term mutual commitment” in an official “baat pakki” ceremony, which will be attended by family members and close friends.

Progress on the Nawaz-Modi relationship had earlier stalled after their meeting at the sidelines of the SCO Summit in Ufa this year. Agreement between the sides reportedly fell through after Pakistan’s last-minute demands for a large “dowry package”, including complete control of Kashmir, were firmly rejected by India. Sources inside the Nawaz camp later revealed that these demands were included under pressure from General Raheel Sharif, who, in addition to being Army Chief, is also quasi-legal guardian of the Pakistani Prime Minister.

Caught romancing at the Eiffel Tower by the paparazzi
Caught romancing at the Eiffel Tower by the paparazzi

Either Prime Minister has yet to make a statement on what they discussed at the meeting amidst growing speculation on both sides of the border.

“If you look at the footage of their meeting, initial impressions are encouraging,” said Dolly aapa, a matchmaker claiming responsibility for the Shoaib Malik and Sania Mirza match among other prominent cross-border couplings. “Nawaz was breathing heavily and looking away shyly to one side, while Mr. Modi appeared to be bulging…with satisfaction”.

Source inside the Modi camp, however, have dismissed her comments, saying that the Prime Minister “sometimes” likes to carry a gun in his pants for protection, especially during meetings with the Pakistan government.

Pak Army officials have also dismissed Dolly aapa’s comments. They also explained that the Prime Minister would be chaperoned during future meetings with world leaders to ensure that no one is able to “spread stories” or “tarnish his honor” in the future.


Ahmad Durrani

Ahmad Durrani is Associate Editor at Daily Pakistan Global. He is also an independent researcher and journalist working for Tanqeed, a South Asian journal of politics and culture. He tweets at @ahmad_sdurrani.