The funniest American in Pakistan (is crazy about our mangoes)

02:28 PM | 12 Aug, 2016
The funniest American in Pakistan (is crazy about our mangoes)

When you think about consular staff, especially Americans consular staff in Pakistan, you think about serious people doing serious things for serious reasons. But one man is on a mission to break this stereotype, for some reason.

Meet this guy...


This is American Consulate of Karachis' in-house magician and caster of spells. His official job is to protect American Consulate in Karachi from Voldemort and his hobbies include wearing traditional Pakistani clothes and being protective about mangoes.

Just kidding. His name is Brian Asmus and he is the official spokesperson of the American consulate in Karachi.

Wait, what?

Now you obviously want to know what is he up to and what is going on at the American Consulate in Karachi? Is having so much fun in a government job even allowed?

We are not too sure at this point, but one thing we do know is that nothing can come between him and his one true love: Pakistani mangoes.

Ask Griffin Rozell who tried, oh but you can't because he was sent back to America. That's what you get for stealing Brian's mangoes.

Here you may ask, "Daily Pakistan, what the hell are you talking about?" So here's the back story:

It all started when Mehran TV sent a box of mangoes to the Consulate and Brian posted it on Facebook.

Claiming that some mangoes had gone missing, Brian took the rest of the mangoes into protective custody:

protective custody

However, as fate would have it, those mangoes soon went missing.

soon went missing

And Brian found a new purpose in life: To capture the mango thief and bring him to justice. For this purpose, he planned to set up a booby trap.

set up a booby trap

And soon...

and soon

"Aha! Unhand them, you fiend!"

Unhand them

It was discovered that the mango thief was none other than the Cultural Attache, Griffin Rozell, and he had been hoarding mangoes for reasons we have yet to understand.


Strict disciplinary action was taken against Griffin whose mango privileges were taken away.

mango privileges were taken away

He was also handcuffed, because Brian takes his mangoes very seriously.

Brian takes his mangoes very seriously

He was also grounded for, like, 5 days, which would make him miss the concert he was so looking forward to.


Before you feel sorry for Griffin, take a look at this photo. Even the children were not safe from his mango-stealing ways.

On the other hand this guy was rewarded because he proved the be instrumental in capturing Griffin.


And they lived happily ever after.


Wait, oh no, more mangoes were stolen, and this time the suspect was Brian himself.


Mangoes were being stolen left and right, so after direct orders from President Obama, the consulate hired a Head of Mango Security.

Who was strong...

Who was strong

And diligent...

And diligent

Despite strict security measures, the thief struck again...


Security camera footage revealed it was Griffin, nobody was surprised.


So now, with all the mangoes gone, Brian has resorted to magic and sorcery to bring his mangoes back...


Which he was unable to do, however, he made Angela appear, who apparently is a more powerful magician than anyone at the office.

And soon enough, Angela made mangoes using magic.

Brian's latest post has promised to bring us the finale in this saga soon. We are all very excited about it. Will we see Griffin again? Does Brian have an evil twin? We don't know, but we plan to stay tuned to find out.

Meanwhile, we are nominating Brian for the Funniest American in Pakistan™ award. Does Brian deserve it? We leave it to you to decide.